Wednesday, September 02, 2009

A Day In The Life Of...

Ah, Bar Man would like to think he is in charge of his own life. Wouldn't we all? So I am sitting around in my usual state of, well, confusion. Do I pack for my trip, do I play WOW, just for a lttle bit, you know, Feed The Eagles and knock of one more quest, call it a day. But then, I am told that the Mysterious Chinese Woman's magical assistant is not working today and she, the Mysterious Chinese Woman, must go through a metamorphism alone, and in our apartment. And I must leave. Well, not really wanting to be around when an exoskeleton is being shed, I left.

First I stopped at Pete's Waterfront Ale House for a couple of beers with a friend. That is when the concept of the exoskeletons first came up. We started talking about old movies, then old horror movies (Night Of The Living Dead being the scariest I have ever seen), then the whole Married To A Zombie thing, then the question of what, exactly women do after they ask you to leave and, from there, it was just a small step to the shedding of the exoskeleton thing. You understand how men's minds work, especially after a few beers.

My friend left so I headed to Atlantic Chip Shop where, in my concern about what await me at home I decided to chroncle the demise of whatever I decided to drink. Somehow, I thought, it might foreshadow my own..., demise.

I walked in and the saucy Diana looked me in the eye and said, in a suggestive voice, what will it be, Big Boy.

Diana, The Huntress

Stammering, and a bit hesitant, although God knows, this wasn't my first time, I said one of those.

A Belhaven

It was like spotting a friend in an unexpected place. I knew it would be smooth, a bit malty, and a splendidly slow quenching of the thirst Diana had ignited (can you ignite a thirst?).

At the first pull I knew I was in for about as much as I could handle.

Everyting In Good Time

And then, like a slow seduction...

You Wait

And Wait

And Wait

Until finally you have that...

Perfect Moment

Ah, the anticipation and then the delicious shuddering satisfaction when finally you first press your lips to the dark seductive sweetness conveyed to your tongue by the creamy foam and then, then you are flooded by the liquid ecstasy...

Savoring The Moment, Shuddering With Excitement

Alas, too soon, the romance fades...

Fading Romance

Until, nothing but delicately woven faded memories are left...

Like Lace Curtains, Clouding The Mind

I headed back home and got there just in time to see the Mysterious Chinese Woman devoring the last of her shedded exoskeleton, pushing what looked like the remnants of an arm into her mouth while giving me a somewhat sheepish look. And, yet, she emerged, somehow, more radiant and gorgeous than when I left. Kind of like a snake when it first squirms out of its shedded skin. Or, when you think about it, a spider.

Women, I will never understand them.

Chip Shop on Urbanspoon


Davewillie said...

As long as the Mysterious Chinese Woman is not a black widow spider. She eats her partner after mating.

Michaela said...

You crack me up.

Rich said...

Your beertender is gorgeous.

Anonymous said...